Men’s Experiences of Sex: for many men, sex means penetration, intercourse and orgasm, preferably for both partners. Sex is “doing” something either with or to their partner, so that they can both get relief from sexual tension.
Feeling turned on for men, through kissing, cuddling and stroking each other, is often not considered adequate on its own and men with premature ejaculation may particularly avoid it because they fear that it will result in their ejaculating even more quickly than usual after penetration.
Women’s Experiences of Sex: For many women, sex means sharing intimacy, being close to their partner, and achieving a lasting emotional and physical connection with each other. This isn’t just about romantic love, but about sharing a special physical and emotional union.
The reward women seek from sex is usually more than just the physical pleasure associated with intercourse. Kissing, cuddling, holding and stroking each other are important to many women and can be enjoyed without intercourse; indeed, some women find foreplay more pleasurable and important than intercourse. They may find it frustrating if foreplay is avoided by their partner, whose only interest seems to be intercourse.
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common causes and side effect of dysfunctional lovemaking. It is defined as when a man reaches climax (emits sperm) in less than a minute; although most ladies will complain when it is less than 2-3 minutes.
Normal range of ejaculation is between 4-6 minutes after penetration, with an average of 5 minutes (just count 1 to 300) and then you are good. To put this time into good use, it greatly helps to prime the woman with foreplay, try different positions and increase physical fitness, eat healthy meals.
Premature ejaculation can be Lifelong, this is present since first sexual intercourse, or Acquired, with symptoms developing after a period of satisfactory ejaculatory function.
Premature ejaculation is caused by combination of factors not limited to past history of recurrent ‘guilty’ masturbation, performance anxiety, spousal conflict, having too little sex, stress, a genetic predisposition, elevated penile sensitivity, urinary tract infections (prostate infections and diabetes), use of some medications or even alcohol.
Treatment of Premature Ejaculation requires a combination of treatment interventions that includes; psychological behavioral, educational and then use of medications.
1. Start exercising: Core body exercise (planks) and sit-ups are great. They help the pelvic floor and abdominal muscles which are the most involved with sex. Aerobic exercises help to increase blood flow to the penis and sustain erection longer.
2. Kegel exercises: The muscles you use to hold a fart or urine. The exercise needs to be performed multiple times each day, for several minutes at a time, for one to three months, to begin to have an effect. It is usually done to reduce urinary stress incontinence especially after childbirth and reduce premature ejaculatory occurrences in men, as well as to increase the size and intensity of erections, (Women can contract this muscles during penetration to increase friction/vaginal tightness for better stimulation).
3. The Start/Stop Technique: This involves stimulating the penis and stopping just before you feel you are about to ejaculate. Stop the stimulation for 30-60 seconds and start again once you feel that you have regained control. Repeat this process 4-5 times, stopping and “resting” every time you feel that you are about to have an orgasm. Finally, let the ejaculation occur, so that you can identify the “point of no-return”. When this is combined with kegels as a form of training, it achieves great result. It is not advisable to do this with urine as it may lead to infections.
4. Position: Allowing the woman to be on top can relieve the pressure on the muscles utilized during intercourse and allow the man focus more. It can add between 30 sec- 2 minutes of extra penetration time. Explore other positions.
5. Diet: Certain diets, if you pay attention, can aid the strength of an erection and consequently improve ejaculatory time. Based on feedbacks, sea foods and dairy products help. Certain refined foods may reduce potency (Kellogg’s cornflakes), coffee (light) 2-3 hours before sex has been shown to have positive effect as well as fried eggs.
6. Environment: This plays a part, as undisturbed privacy, warmth, comfort and allowance of adequate time are very important. Time of day may also be an issue. Lovemaking late at night, when one or both partners are tired, is often not the best option. Some couples find that they prefer morning or daytime sex (When the man will have automatic erection); A bath or shower together before lovemaking can be both physically relaxing and sexually arousing. Take time in cuddling and pleasuring each other before trying penetration.
7. Medications: You can always consult an Urologist or sex therapist for help.
Sex is a healthy, natural activity and central to most loving relationships. It is important to both men and women, whatever their age, their race, creed, color or their sexual orientation. Our cultural and religious background may affect the way we perceive sex, but it will always be an important part of the human experience. Sexual health is just as important as other aspects of health and if you have a problem, you should not be afraid or embarrassed about seeking professional help.
You can assess yourself with the questions in the picture
• A score of 11 or more is commonly found in men with PE; whilst this score is not, on its own, adequate to diagnose PE without a clinical assessment from of healthcare professional, it is highly suggestive of PE
• A score of 9 or 10 may be found in men with PE; it is a “borderline” score
• A score of 8 or less suggests that a man does not have PE